Aesthetics, Beauty, and Lingering Memories

Please note, in advance, it might be work reading the following: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qualia

I know this isn’t a shock to you, if you read this often. Of course, you could be a stranger, not know me, and be shockingly surprised at this simple fact: I live alone, and I have a lot of “alone-time”, as it were. With all of this time to myself, practicing solitary acts, e.g. grabbing dinner at the Albertson’s deli to eat at home, or running for 70 minutes alone, I have a lot of time to think. During the runs, the errant thoughts that migrate through my mind do so at an ever-faster pace.

I wonder how it goes, this biological basis for our thoughts, speeding them up in a state of physical excitement or agitation. Methinks during a run or some other sustained physical activity the body’s “fight or flight” mechanics are providing elevated levels or nor-epinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine. Those neurological chemicals that make us feel oh-so-good, and afterwards provide us with that illustrious “runner’s high.” Whatever the case, I would be interested in seeing an MRI at the neurological effects of heightened sustained physicality.

As of late, I have been thinking a lot on my runs about aesthetics, not so much from a design perspective, rather from a beauty perspective. Not of those popular dialogues about which stars are gracing US Weekly this week, but more in line with how we associate feelings and memories to those that come into our minds. I am writing about this because, during my runs for the past few weeks, a former loved one from more than two years ago has popped into my head from time-to-time.

Now for this former loved-one, I have no illusions of our getting back together, nor do I rationally think we should. We don’t speak. Nevertheless, I know that neither of us rationally thinks we should, and I am content with that. That being said, it continuously intrigues me over the course of a run how this girl will just pop into my head.

In some parts, the conception in my head during a run has certain qualia assigned to remembered aesthetics that are ever-present during the flashing vignettes about which come. I don’t know. Of course, I thought of her as a beautiful woman, before and after we were together. One of things I always found so beautiful about her were her softer cherubic features, fare skin and smile. The qualia assigned that rest in my mind’s eye are, for example, sweet and peaceful, but the challenge to these glimpses into the past are they are not far-reaching nor do they assign all of the substances or history that caused things to go awry. I guess that’s the challenge with aesthetic qualia, they don’t convey all of the substance subsisting with the features conveying in the mind the qualia.*

I guess that is the continuous challenge to life and decision making, we encapsulate our decisions with the influences of our perceptions and tastes. Certainly, on a base level, we can speak on things we find immediately attractive, e.g. Jessica Simpson, or something. Ultimately, however, for many of us, that personality is so atrocious; no amount of aesthetic can make up for one’s overpowering repellant personality, for me at least.**

These perceptions are as subjective as they come, which is why some love the H2, in spite of its horrible mileage. I guess my point is, with the cycle of relationships, there is the initial aesthetic attraction, found entirely prima-facie. Our subjectivity extracting qualia during this infatuation stage assigns substances to the qualia, e.g. beauty, sweetness, and innocence to a cherubic face and fare skin. Perhaps, it is through these assigned characteristics, bound to these aesthetic qualia, we continuously assign and project upon our lovers that which we want them to be or have? At the end of the day, we always impose on our partners the characteristics we want or expect them to have. When they betray these expectations we have constructed for them, we get upset. Herein lies the foundation for interminable arguments, I suppose.

If you are still reading this, and feeling the slightest bit sorry for me, don’t – please. I couldn’t be happier with my rather slow love-life at the moment. I love where I live and what I am doing. It is with this general self-satisfaction, I don’t find myself pining for anyone in particular, nor have I for a long time. I don’t know, I suppose at the moment I must just be too busy and happy to be self-consumed by anything outside of the upcoming trip to Nicaragua this week. Interesting, this condition of humanity, I suppose that’s why whilst typing, I am allowing my shuffle to play “Explosions in the Sky” repeatedly.

*Please allow me to rephrase. During my runs, I remember certain images of this girlfriend’s face, not any time in particular, but just the face – peacefully beautiful. These memories of her are predicated on thoughts and perceptions I had two-plus years ago. Here’s the problem: these pictures and memories of this beautiful woman, they don’t come with why our relationship ended, we just didn’t get along enough to keep it viable. Perhaps she got tired of asking me to translate bits of thought like the paragraph this footnote references.

**I have to admit, that is a rather hyperbolic example, as she runs contrary to what I like, but she appeals to the lowest common denominator, the same way people go out to buy albums by such artists as, Britney Spears, Nick Lachey, anything on VH1 or MTV.